Breakfast Time!
by InherentlyDamned
Summary: Everyone talks to food sometimes right? Even mighty saiyan warriors who are definitely NOT going crazy! Right? Chapter 3 up!
1. Breakfast!

Disclaimer - I don't own Dragonball Z, I pwn it.

* * *

-**Breakfast Time!-**

Vegeta sat down at the table to eat his breakfast alone, and in complete silence. He had already sent the woman's simpering mother away. It was slightly unnerving having her stand there grinning at you as you ate.

But at least the woman's mother could cook, unlike anyone else in the whole frickin' house. Bulma's cooking tasted like fried shits. Even the cookies. Especially the cookies. He wondered vaguely if she did it on purpose. Figures.

Vegeta dug his spoon into the huge pile of grits on his plate and proceeded to dig in. After consuming about ten huge spoon fulls in 2 seconds, Vegeta became aware of a strange wet warmth on his shirt. Looking down, he discovered a large splat of grits splattered all over his once pristine blue spandex suit.

Vegeta glared at the offending food. How dare it! How dare it stain his royal clothing!

Vegeta was so irritated he said this aloud.

"Well its not my fault!"

Vegeta looked around in surprise. There was no one around…He looked down at the grits.

"Who said that?"

"Me you dummy!" said the grits.

Vegeta blinked a couple of times and sighed. He was definitely going crazy. Food was now talking to him. He felt like Kakarot all of a sudden. That oaf probably talked to food too when he wasn't too busy stuffing his face.

"This is ridiculous."

"What is?"

"I'M TALKING TO _FOOD!"_

"So? Don't you usually talk to food?"

"_Noooo_."

"Well maybe you should. Anyway, don't blame me for getting all over your _royal_ clothing. I'm food, I don't have the ability to control gravity."

"No, just the ability to talk to people who don't wish to be talked to."

"Hey! You started this conversation bub!"

"I did no such thing!"

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

Vegeta scooped the grits off his clothes with his spoon and held it up in front of his face.

"I DID NOT!" he yelled.

"Um Vegeta?"

Vegeta spun around in his chair to look at the woman standing in the doorway.

"What woman!"

"Uh why are you talking to your breakfast?"

"I'm not talking to it! It's talking to ME!"

Bulma just stared at him for a second. Vegeta, holding the spoonful of grits, glared fiercely at her.

"Suuuuure…ok whatever Vegeta have fun…"

Bulma turned and walked away very fast. She decided that she really really _really_ did not want to know…

Vegeta turned his attention back to his breakfast.

"I am the mighty Saiyan no Ouji! I shall conquer you weakling breakfast food stuffs!"

And with that, the mighty saiyan prince swiftly devoured his breakfast, utterly destroying his delicious enemy and leaving no survivors.

**fin**

* * *

Review or die.


	2. Lunch

**Disclaimer** - I do solemnly swear that I do not own Dragonball Z. Probably.

* * *

**-Lunch Time!-**

Vegeta punched fiercely at the air under 500 times earth's gravity. He blasted several weakling training bots that dared fire their puny lasers at him, and fazed a couple times to avoid being hit with his own ki blast as the bots reflected it back at him. After several hours of this, he finally got a bit hungry, so he decided to take a brake and raid the refrigerator.

Placing a white fuzzy towel around his neck, he turned off the gravity room and stomped out. Vegeta never just _walked_ out. He stomped. Maybe someday it would break the steps on the stupid gravity machine.

Not that he didn't have a reason to stomp around today, he mused as he stomped inside and down the hallway. That food talking to him during breakfast was bothering him more than it rightly should. I mean, everyone talks to food sometimes right? Even mighty saiyan warriors…who are definitely NOT going crazy! Right?

Vegeta stopped in front of the refrigerator and stared at it for a second. _'Come on! You're being stupid! It's just food.'_

Mentally shaking himself, Vegeta quickly got out all the ingredients needed for the largest sandwich ever made. He would eat it really really fast he decided. That way, the food wouldn't have time to start a conversation before it was crushed and eaten by him.

Vegeta picked up his humongous sandwich and was about to take a bit when the pickles fell out the side. Vegeta put his sandwich down and glared at the pickles. Trying to make trouble were they?

"No we're not!"

This would be a palm-in-face moment had Vegeta not had the pickles in his hand. He glared at the pickles, looking for some sort of microphone or something.

"Who're you glaring at! Can't help gravity my friend!"

"I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND!"

Vegeta slapped himself (with the pickles still in his hand). "No! No I refuse! This is insane! I will _not _talk to food!"

"No you'll just talk to yourself."

"I've been doing that for years! There's nothing wrong with it!"

"Yeah yeah whatever…but you are aware that you're now talking to yourself, AND food…"

"I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!"

"I rest my case."

Vegeta clinched his fist. This was stupid! Talking to food! What's next? Talking to that woman and her weakling parents? Or even worse! His own son? What was this world coming to? Things like this never happened on Vegeta-sei…

"Hey dude! Dude! You're spacing out!"

"Hmph! I _wish_ I was _spacing out_! Better than being on this worthless planet!"

"No one's keeping you here bub."

"Oh shut UP!

"Uh…dad?"

Vegeta turned his attention (and rising temper) to his young son standing in the doorway.

"WHAT"

Trunks looked down at his training gear, looked at his dad who had a handful of pickles clenched in his hand and a very red face, and turned around.

"Nothing dad…"

Vegeta irritably turned back to the pickles in his hand. "I'M TIRED OF THIS! I'M TIRED OF FOOD TALKING TO ME! THIS HAS TO STOP!" he yelled.

"I'm not talking to you…you're talking to me."

"I am the prince of all saiyans! I do not talk to weakling human food!"

"Well obviously you do."

Vegeta finally lost it. FOOD was talking to him like this? What NERVE. He took the pickles and threw them onto the floor. Laughing manically, he lifted his foot up over the harmless food laying on the ground, totally defenseless. "This is the end for you!" SQUISH!

"Vegeta….?"

Trunks was back but with his mother in tow. His dad's strange behavior was quite disconcerting to the eight year old.

"F-K OFF WOMAN THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU! OR THE BRAT!"

Vegeta grabbed his sandwich and stomped off in a rage to the gravity room, where he trained all night and skipped dinner.

Fin

* * *

Thanks to my reviewers **daughteralucard**, **DeidreFoxington**, and especially **Vampweresayan** who inspired this! You guys get cookies! Yay!

**Review today and you too might get a chapter dedicated to you...whoo...


	3. Midnight Snack!

**Disclaimer** - I didn't own DBZ in the last two chapters. Do you really think anything has changed since then?

* * *

**-Midnight Snack!-**

It was a few minutes past midnight, and all the Brief's lay in their beds. They were all sound asleep, even the dinosaurs and other strange animals living in the garden. Not a sound disturbed the peaceful silence. Until…CLANG. ..

Yes, as you may have guessed, the mighty prince Vegeta (tramatized as he was from his food ordeal earlier) has not yet retired from his training in the gravity room. Only now has he deemed it safe to return to the world of … people-who-don't-spend-every-second-of-their-lives-training (and every other second talking to food).

Realizing belatedly how dark it was, and how everyone is currently sleeping, Vegeta tried to decide whether to be extra loud to wake them up out of spite, or to be quite. The being extra loud would indeed be fun…until the woman came to yell at him…that wasn't fun. At least, not at this time of night. All Veggie wanted to do was get something to eat, and go to sleep.

Stomping quietly to the kitchen Vegeta once again paused at the refrigerator door. To open or not to open. Since it is past midnight, he reasoned, the food shouldn't talk to him anymore…its probably asleep! Gaining some comfort from that thought, Vegeta bravely opened the door and rummaged around for something that required no particular effort to eat or prepare.

He started stuffing his face, albeit _carefully. _He wouldn't give the food any excuse to wake up and start talking to him again. It was weird. And it made him feel like an old person.

Once it became clear that the food was indeed asleep and it wasn't going to talk to him, Vegeta joyously dug in, wiping out all the food in the refrigerator in a matter of seconds. Smiling to himself over his victory, he sighed a contented sigh and reached in for one last snack.

There wasn't much to choose from of course, having just cleaned out the refrigerator not five seconds ago. But he was filled with adrenaline from his victory, and it drove him to eat just _one last thing._

Ah ha! There was a bag of apricots in the bottom drawer! He picked up the bag and chose the most perfect, unblemished, _beautiful_ apricot he had ever seen in his entire life.

He stared at it in awe. This would be _delicious!_ He would savor this wonderful fruit. It was a once in a lifetime deal.

Vegeta closed the refrigerator and cupped the apricot in his hands. He breathed in its fruity apricoty aroma.

"This has got to be the most beautiful apricot to ever exist!" He whispered and he opened his mouth to take a bite.

"Well you're not to bad looking yourself hot stuff!" Said the apricot.

"!"

"Aw no come back sweet thang! You know you want some of this!"

"HELL NO!"

Vegeta took the apricot over to the sink and shoved it down the hole. Then he turned a switch and WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR GRRRRRRRR CACHUNK COUGH!  
The screaming of the apricot was music to Vegeta's ears, but he nevertheless mourned the loss of his perfect fruit.

"Vegeta?"

The woman, her parents, and even Trunks stood in the doorway, sleepy eyed and glaring at Vegeta...Vegeta backed away...knowing that he was about to suffer a fate worse than talking food! Bulma opened her mouth...

"No good Kami I can't take any more of this today!" And with that, Vegeta flew out the window, leaving the Briefs family to stare in bemusement and then rising confusion as they found the mangled corpse of an apricot jammed down the disposal.

"VEGETAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

fin

* * *

LordofTime - You know how they say 'the meek with inherit the earth' ?

Veggie - Yes

LordofTime - I disagree. It should be ... 'The REVIEWERS inherit the earth!'

Veggie - o.o

LordofTime - And MY reviewers will inherit a lifetime supply of TOOTHPASTE! YAY!

Veggie - Why don't you give them something ... i dunno... THAT THEY'D ACTUALLY WANT?

LordofTime - But toothpaste is good for your dental health! :(

Veggie - DO YOU PEOPLE WANT TOOTHPASTE?

LordofTime - Yeah! Tell me what you want! (you know its toothpaste...dont' you?)

**VOTE TOOTHPASTE VOTE TOOTHPASTE VOTE TOOTHPASTE VOTE TOOTHPASTE VOTE TOOTHPASTE**

**I was going to delete this but...what the hell. I like toothpaste.


End file.
